Think about you’ve deliberate the journey of a lifetime in your animal-loving household: a cruise to Antarctica with the distinctive alternative to view penguins, whales and different uncommon wildlife. Your adventure-loving children can kayak via fjords, plunge into icy water and camp underneath the Antarctic sky.
However quite than being ecstatic, as you anticipated, your children whine about skipping an after-school scout assembly at a neighbor’s home. Lacking this abnormal weekly occasion triggers such intense FOMO – “concern of lacking out” – for them that they don’t need to go in your wonderful expedition.
If this sort of debacle sounds acquainted to you – or at the very least for those who discover it perplexing – you’re not alone. The three of us are advertising and marketing professors and social psychologists who concentrate on how customers make choices and the way this shapes well-being. We’ve been finding out FOMO for over a decade and not too long ago revealed our work within the Journal of Persona and Social Psychology. Through the years, we’ve realized what actually drives intense emotions of FOMO – which explains why a run-of-the-mill assembly would possibly really feel extra essential than an over-the-top trip.
FOMO’s actual set off
Individuals use the time period FOMO in many various methods. In our analysis, we concentrate on a really particular kind of FOMO: the type that happens when folks miss out on occasions that contain valued social connections.
With this sort of FOMO, we discovered that the ache of lacking out just isn’t associated to lacking the precise occasion or alternative – though that could possibly be there as nicely. The FOMO we examine occurs when folks miss the prospect to bond with mates, co-workers or teammates they care about.
So, the vital a part of FOMO is lacking out on interactions with folks you worth. FOMO a few group dinner at a restaurant isn’t actually in regards to the meals and nice lighting. Neither is FOMO a few live performance simply in regards to the band’s efficiency. As a substitute, it’s in regards to the misplaced alternative to attach and make recollections with people who find themselves essential to you.
Why is that this upsetting? Think about the situation the place all of your greatest mates exit to dinner with out you. They bond and make lasting recollections with one another – and also you’re not there for any of it.
In the event that they get nearer to one another, the place does that depart you? What occurs to your social relationships and your sense of belonging? Do you change into a much less essential buddy? Much less worthy of future invitations? And even kicked out of the group altogether? The nervousness of FOMO can start to spiral.
Individuals with what psychologists name an anxious attachment fashion chronically concern rejection and isolation from others. As a result of FOMO includes nervousness about future social belonging, it might not come as a shock that people who find themselves naturally extra anxious about their friendships are inclined to get extra intense FOMO. After we requested folks in one in every of our research to scroll social media till they encountered one thing social they missed, we discovered that the extra anxiously hooked up a participant was, the extra intense FOMO they skilled.
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Not simply lacking Coachella
Getting FOMO for an incredible occasion you may’t attend is smart. But when FOMO is much less in regards to the occasion itself and extra in regards to the social bonding, what occurs whenever you miss one thing that’s not likely enjoyable in any respect?
We discover that folks anticipate FOMO even for unenjoyable missed occasions. So long as there may be some type of missed social bonding, emotions of FOMO emerge. One in every of our research discovered that folks anticipated extra FOMO from lacking an un-fun occasion that their mates could be at, than a enjoyable occasion with out their mates.
For higher or for worse, unhappy and traumatic occasions can usually be emotionally bonding: Going to a funeral to assist a buddy, cleansing up the mess after a celebration, and even white-knuckling via a harrowing initiation ceremony can all supply alternatives to forge stronger connections with each other. Disturbing contexts like these will be fertile grounds for FOMO.
The right way to fend off FOMO
Fashionable discussions in regards to the unfavourable penalties of FOMO are inclined to concentrate on the FOMO folks really feel from compulsively scrolling on social media and seeing what they missed out on. Consequently, a lot of the steered recommendation on tips on how to mitigate FOMO facilities on turning off telephones or taking a trip from social media.
These suggestions could also be robust for many individuals to execute. Plus, they tackle the signs of FOMO, not the trigger.
Our discovering that the core of FOMO is nervousness about missed social relationships yields an easier technique to fight it: Reminding your self of the final time you related with shut mates might present a way of safety that staves off emotions of FOMO.
In an experiment testing a number of interventions, we requested 788 examine members to look via their social media feeds till they encountered a publish of a missed social occasion. We requested about 200 of those members to right away price how a lot FOMO they had been feeling. They averaged a 3.2 on a 1-to-7 scale.
One other group of about 200 members additionally scrolled via their social media feeds till they encountered a publish of a missed social occasion. However earlier than indicating how a lot FOMO they had been feeling, we requested them to assume again to a previous expertise socializing and bonding with their mates. Encouragingly, this reflection train appeared to curtail FOMO. Their common FOMO ranking was 2.7 out of seven, a major drop.
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With the remaining members, we examined different methods for mitigating FOMO – fascinated with the following time they could see their mates or imagining what they’d say to a FOMO-suffering buddy – however the easy reflection train was by far probably the most promising.
So, reminding your self of the significant relationships you have already got and reaffirming your social belonging within the second might assist fight the push of tension that’s attribute of FOMO.
And lacking out on social bonding experiences doesn’t should be anxiety-provoking. The truth is, in our activity-packed, hectic lives, lacking some “must-attend” occasions could also be a welcome aid – particularly for those who remind your self that your social belonging just isn’t in jeopardy. Cue a current wave of counter-FOMO programming referred to as JOMO, or “Pleasure of Lacking Out.”
To cite Stuart Smalley, the fictional self-help guru of Nineteen Nineties “Saturday Evening Dwell,” reminding your self that “I’m adequate, I’m sensible sufficient, and doggone it, folks like me!” is likely to be simply the trick to mitigate FOMO.
