Shedding Gentle on Trauma Bonding
Let’s start by exploring the query, “what’s trauma bonding?” Typically known as codependency, narcissistic abuse, poisonous relationships, and extra, trauma bonding has been studied for many years.
What can we learn about all these attachments in maturity? Before everything, we all know they symbolize advanced emotional states between two people, the place patterns of enmeshment, painful ruptures and isolation, manipulation, and intermittent reinforcement are current (Dutton & Painter, 1981).
The emotional turmoil of this relationship turns into extremely addictive, typically inflicting one particular person to be powerless and the opposite to have extra management within the relationship.
It’s important for therapists to acknowledge that trauma bonding exists on a continuum and might take varied types (Copley, 2023).
In our remedy room, we will see this manifest as gentle dysfunctional behaviors triggered by childhood attachment wounds (Saunders, 1999) or excessive abusive dynamics inflicting hurt to a sufferer. Understanding this continuum is essential for us as therapists as a result of it requires a nuanced method to find out the character and severity of the bond, and in the end if it may be handled (Dokkedahl et al., 2019).
With that stated, let’s have a look at trauma bonding from a relational perspective and the way early attachment trauma performs a task within the severity and methods it manifests. We’ll give most of our consideration to extra harmful manifestations of trauma bonding, indicators, and purple flags to look out for, and what to do about it as therapists.
6 indicators & examples
A few of our shoppers would possibly kind trauma bonds of their relationships resulting from deep-seated insecurities and previous traumas that manifest in present relationships (Waikamp et al., 2021).
For instance, if you’re engaged in {couples} remedy, you would possibly uncover that one consumer was raised in a chaotic childhood residence. Possibly they had been always afraid and made to really feel weak or inferior and developed a protection mechanism that helped them detach from their feelings and the overwhelm of their surroundings.
As a way to outlive, they started specializing in themselves and what they may management. As an grownup, they might micromanage their relationships, wrestle to attach with their accomplice, and wrestle to grasp their accomplice’s weak expressions. This could really feel invalidating (and infuriating) to their accomplice.
In excessive instances, nonetheless, the elevated give attention to self, lack of empathy, incapability to attach, want for exterior validation of value, and whole disregard for different dwelling beings can lead a person to interact in psychologically abusive and bodily harmful behaviors together with shaming, belittling, manipulating, and humiliating one other (Effiong et al., 2022).
If we as therapists are working with somebody with indicators and signs of insecure, controlling, and reactive tendencies, we want to have the ability to determine the variations in severity, intention, and hurt to make sure we’re approaching therapy appropriately. In spite of everything, working with somebody with malicious intent is completely different from working with an attachment trauma survivor with management points.
Ramani Durvasula (2023), a number one professional on abusive relationships and narcissism, highlights six indicators to observe for in remedy to find out if abuse could also be current. Whether or not you’re working with a pair, a person who’s demonstrating these behaviors, or a sufferer who’s reporting it, listed here are purple flags to search for:
Patterns that diminish and devalueAn abuser engages in steady and excessive dismissiveness, invalidation, minimization, manipulation, entitlement, and rage or reactivity. These behaviors erode their sufferer’s vanity and sense of actuality, making them really feel nugatory and powerless.
GaslightingThe sufferer is made to query their very own actuality, recollections, and perceptions. This tactic entails denying previous occasions, twisting details, and insisting that their sufferer’s recollections are incorrect, inflicting them to doubt their sanity and grow to be extra reliant on the abuser’s model of actuality.
DominationExcessive management is exerted over the sufferer’s actions, selections, and interactions. This could embrace monitoring their actions, dictating who they’ll see, controlling funds, and making unilateral selections that disregard the sufferer’s autonomy and preferences.
DisagreeablenessThe abuser is constantly uncooperative, argumentative, and hostile. They could create battle, dismiss their sufferer’s opinions, and refuse to compromise. This fixed negativity can put on down their sufferer’s resolve and self-worth, making them extra vulnerable to manipulation.
BetrayalThe abuser often breaks belief by mendacity, dishonest, or breaking guarantees. This sample of betrayal undermines their sufferer’s means to belief themselves and others, resulting in elevated dependency on the abuser for emotional stability and validation.
DeprivationAffection, help, or fundamental wants are withheld as a type of punishment or management. This deprivation might be emotional, resembling withholding love or validation, or bodily, resembling proscribing entry to cash, meals, or well being care. This tactic retains their sufferer in a state of fixed want and dependence on the abuser for fundamental sustenance and emotional success.
Stockholm Syndrome vs. Trauma Bonding
As talked about above, trauma bonding can are available in many types. For instance, Stockholm syndrome arises in harmful and abusive hostage conditions, the place captives kind an intense emotional bond with their captors as a survival technique.
Survivors of Stockholm syndrome report growing constructive emotions towards their captors regardless of the menace to their lives (Graham et al., 1995).
If you end up offering remedy to a survivor of Stockholm syndrome, you might discover the conflicting and complicated ideas and feelings your consumer has about their hostage expertise.
They could speak about emotions of sympathy, affection, or loyalty towards their captors, regardless of the worry they endured. It’s possible you’ll hear them speak about feeling gratitude for small acts of kindness proven by their captors after experiencing extreme deprivation.
The emotional aftermath survivors wrestle with can embrace challenges reintegrating into regular life, coping with trauma signs, and processing the psychological influence of their ordeal.
Stockholm syndrome is a type of trauma bonding. Nonetheless, whereas each contain a paradoxical attachment to a supply of hurt and worry, trauma bonding is extra generally rooted in repeated abusive interactions (Dutton & Painter, 1981), whereas Stockholm syndrome emerges from acute, life-threatening captivity (Graham et al., 1995).
