Let’s not fake we’re rational. None of us are. We prefer to assume we’re — perched on our little armchairs of logic, sipping lukewarm espresso and quoting Brené Brown out of context whereas spiraling right into a disgrace vortex over that one time we stated “you too” to a waiter who informed us to take pleasure in our meal. However deep down, we’re all one badly timed group textual content away from absolutely reenacting a Greek tragedy within the cereal aisle.
And someplace in that chaos — beneath the Goal receipts, the nervous laughter, the 2am doom scrolls — is a hill. Your hill. The one you’ll completely, unapologetically die on. Perhaps it’s emotional. Perhaps it’s ethical. Perhaps it’s weirdly particular and entails a robust opinion about oat milk. Nevertheless it’s there. Ready.
So in honor of that cussed, barely deranged little voice in all of us, right here’s what every Enneagram sort would throw down for — like, full gladiator-style, no notes.
Undecided what your character sort is? Take our Enneagram questionnaire right here!
Sort One: The Hill – “Guidelines Exist for a Motive”
Reason for loss of life: You stated the quiet half out loud in a chaotic impartial method.
Sort Ones will die on the hill of “that’s not how that is purported to work.” They don’t care if “this” is society, grammar, IKEA meeting directions, or the unstated settlement that you just DO NOT reduce in line on the DMV when everybody’s already dying slowly inside. Order is sacred. Integrity is holy. And watching somebody proudly flout the principles whereas nonetheless getting rewarded makes their soul bodily itch.
They don’t want you to be good. However they do want you to attempt. And when you say “adequate” whereas doing a half-hearted job of one thing that truly issues — like washing your palms after utilizing the toilet or submitting taxes — they are going to quietly plan your ethical intervention and name it “a dialog.”
They might reasonably burn out from accountability than dwell in a world the place nobody’s accountable. And sure, they know that makes them exhausting. However at the very least they’re constantly exhausting.
Sort Two: The Hill – “Folks Should Really feel Cherished”
Reason for loss of life: Emotional martyrdom through snack plate.
Twos will die on the hill of “it’s best to have texted them again” prefer it’s the Battle of Thermopylae and their iMessage receipts are sacred scrolls. They consider emotional neglect is a battle crime and “too busy to care” is a cultural illness that have to be cured — in all probability with cookies and compelled vulnerability.
They don’t simply care. They over-care. Like, olympic-level. They’ll twist themselves into 900 variations of “okay” simply to keep away from being a burden — after which implode silently when no one notices their sluggish emotional collapse.
You recognize that buddy who introduced you chamomile tea whenever you sneeze as soon as? That’s a Two. They’re single-handedly holding collectively your fragile sense of mattering. So if somebody says “love isn’t that vital,” they are going to combat.
Sort Three: The Hill – “Onerous Work Ought to Be Revered”
Reason for loss of life: Burned alive by their very own ambition whereas smiling photogenically.
Threes will die on the hill of “you don’t get to the highest by chance.” They consider within the grind. In exhibiting up. In pretending they’re not two sleepless nights away from a complete ego meltdown as a result of somebody didn’t praise their PowerPoint transition results.
They’ve been out right here hustling since kindergarten — turning sticker charts into enterprise fashions and making an attempt to determine which model of themselves will get applause at this time. It’s not vainness. It’s survival.
Inform a Three that luck issues greater than effort, and also you’ll watch their soul implode by way of their eyeballs. Their price is soldered to their work ethic, and so they’d reasonably emotionally hemorrhage behind a productiveness app than look “lazy.”
They’re scared that in the event that they cease proving themselves, they’ll disappear. So yeah, they’ll die for excellence. They usually’ll make it look good whereas doing it.
Sort 4: The Hill – “You Can’t Pretend Depth”
Reason for loss of life: Cried too laborious over a fictional character’s metaphorical loss of life and forgot to hydrate.
Fours will die on the hill of “surface-level is soul-level homicide.” They need actual. Messy. Significant. They usually can odor performative authenticity like emotional bloodhounds.
Say one thing like “good vibes solely” to a 4 and watch them mentally plan your funeral. They need your entire reality — the brokenness, the longing, the bizarre 3am ideas you often maintain locked behind your curated identification.
They aren’t unhappy for enjoyable. They’re unhappy as a result of they really feel all the things extra. Pleasure is deeper. Ache lingers longer. And when you slap a motivational sticker over their existential disaster, they are going to launch themselves off a poetic cliff.
They’d reasonably be misunderstood than be pretend. And if that makes them laborious to be round? Good. A minimum of it’s trustworthy.
Sort 5: The Hill – “Suppose Earlier than You Communicate”
Reason for loss of life: Died of mental overstimulation whereas avoiding a networking occasion.
Fives will die on the hill of “uninformed opinions ought to include a warning label.” They consider information is sacred. And small speak is a sluggish type of waterboarding.
They aren’t know-it-alls. They’re know-more-than-the-rest-but-will-say-nothing-unless-forced-alls.
Point out one thing confidently incorrect of their space of experience — neuroscience, fowl migration, Renaissance artwork, fantasy lore, no matter — and they’ll both (1) right you politely whereas dying inside or (2) say nothing after which write a 3,000-word Medium put up as a type of revenge.
They’re not dying on the hill as a result of they assume they’re higher. They’re dying as a result of they consider misinformation is a virus. They usually’ll go down with an encyclopedia in a single hand and the reality within the different.
Sort Six: The Hill – “You Can’t Belief Folks Who Don’t Ask Questions”
Reason for loss of life: Succumbed to anxiousness whereas constructing a conspiracy board within the break room.
Sixes will die on the hill of “blind belief is a luxurious nobody can afford.” They’re the individuals who test the climate and produce an umbrella on a sunny day simply in case the federal government’s mendacity. Not as a result of they’re paranoid — okay, perhaps just a little — however as a result of vigilance feels safer than betrayal.
Their complete nervous system is rigged like an alarm system from a haunted home: creaky, overly delicate, however often right about hazard. They need to belief individuals. They only additionally want a notarized report of your emotional consistency, a backup plan, and proof you’re not a cult chief.
Say “simply loosen up” to a Six and watch their soul depart their physique like steam from a cracked teapot.
They don’t need drama. They need security. Loyalty. Solutions.
Sort Seven: The Hill – “Life Is Meant to Be Lived, Not Endured”
Reason for loss of life: Spontaneously combusted when requested to “sit with their emotions” for greater than three minutes.
Sevens will die on the hill of “don’t lure me in your emotional quicksand.” These are the individuals who backpack by way of grief and consider most issues may be solved with an impromptu street journey. In the event you attempt to get them to decelerate and course of one thing heavy, they are going to climb out the window mid-conversation and begin a kombucha model.
It’s not that they don’t really feel issues — they do. An excessive amount of, truly. That’s why they dodge it so shortly.
Say “life is struggling” round a Seven and they’ll construct a full-blown positivity cult to spite you. They consider pleasure is oxygen. And when you attempt to steal it, they are going to combat like their life relies on it — as a result of it type of does.
Their hill is paved with novelty and dopamine and 17 partially accomplished on-line programs. They usually’ll die defending the concept that that means may be present in laughter, too.
Sort Eight: The Hill – “No One Will get to Bully the Underdog”
Reason for loss of life: Bled out after saying “I don’t need assistance” throughout a shark assault.
Eights will die on the hill of “energy is for shielding, not stomping.” They’re the particular person you need in your nook throughout a bar combat, a breakup, or a social justice motion. They don’t decide fights — they end them. Ideally with fireplace.
Betray belief? Gone. Abuse energy? Accomplished. Gaslight their buddy? Goodbye. Eight power is like strapping a sword to your ethical compass and going full Joan of Arc on anybody who thinks may makes proper.
They’ll rip your backbone out with one hand whereas holding an umbrella for the neighbor child with the opposite. As a result of beneath that blunt, intimidating exterior is a tender, loyal soul who’d reasonably die than see another person be powerless.
Their hill is product of fury and love braided into one flaming emotional battle cry. And they’re going to go down swinging.
Sort 9: The Hill – “Peace Is Not the Identical Factor as Avoidance”
Reason for loss of life: Pale into the sofa throughout an argument and was by no means seen once more.
Nines will die on the hill of “cease mistaking my chill for consent.” They’re drained. Not as a result of they’re lazy, however as a result of they’ve been shouldering everybody else’s chaos like a human emotional sponge since childhood.
They crave peace. However they’re not pushovers. They only discovered early that staying quiet is typically safer than saying what you need and getting steamrolled.
So that they retreat. They adapt. They disappear. After which someday, seemingly out of nowhere, they unleash a monologue about that one time you interrupted them throughout a film twelve years in the past and immediately you understand: oh. They have been conserving rating. The entire time.
They’ll die defending their proper to be included with out having to shout. To have an opinion with out inflicting a scene. To exist as extra than simply the wallpaper in your life.
Their hill seems to be peaceable. However beneath? A volcano.
Last Phrases From the Battlefield of Opinions We Can not Let Go Of
Each Enneagram sort has That Factor — the irrationally sacred, emotionally barbed, spiritually loaded conviction that seems like a part of their backbone. A few of us bleed for reality. Some for loyalty. Some for the fitting to eat cheesecake for breakfast with out a TED Discuss diet.
These aren’t simply causes. They’re protection mechanisms too. They’re childhood wounds duct-taped to grownup arguments. They’re tiny protest indicators we feature round in our brains that say, “PLEASE LET ME BELIEVE THIS ONE THING OR I WILL SHATTER.”
And certain, it’s dramatic.
But in addition? It’s human.
So if somebody begins defending their hill like a rabid squirrel holding a thesaurus, perhaps don’t roll your eyes. Perhaps simply ask, “What are you truly defending?”
As a result of typically the hill is actual.
And typically the hill is only a tender place to place the ache.
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